definition of love

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

FML

10 reasons why today is going to SUCK ASS:

1. i'm running on three hours of sleep
2. i have an absolutely brutal headache
3. i'm so sore it feels like someone shot me in my freaking leg
4. my computer is broken
5. because of #4, my entire itunes/limewire library is gone
6. my ipod is also broken. so i can only listen to pandora and cd's
7. i have to go to the orthodontist. fml
8. it is over 100 degrees outside, but inside my house it is FREEZING
9. i have a stalker
10. IT IS JULY FREAKING 22ND BUT I HAVE TO SPEND THREE HOURS IN SCHOOL.

SEE?! it's obnoxious. today is pre-destined to suck and it's only 10 am. hah, i wouldnt even be AWAKE if it wasn't for the dumbass orthodontist. like... ughhh. i don't even know. i was listening to bmth this morning, and they have like an entire song about how sleep is for the weak. which is SOOO not true! at least not when you've spent the whole week with NO SLEEP! but ughh. whateverrrzzz. i guess life goes on. :]

FML

life lessons? why not.

well, everyone else is ranting about this "life lessons" shit, so i might as well put my own two cents out there. i'm only fifteen, but i'm not stupid.
these aren't in any particular order.
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1. guys are more dramatic than chicks.
2. fifteen year olds shouldn't have sex. because no matter how much you think you're ready, you're not.
3. NOT everyone is a bitch or an asshole. everyone has the potential to be, but not everyone acts on that potential.
4. NO ONE is completely honest. and telling a lie, but then saying "oh, i was just kidding!" does NOT make it better.
5. i have gotten in trouble more times for telling the truth than i have gotten in trouble for lying. either i'm an obnoxiously good liar [HA] or the world is corrupt.
6. boys make girls cry. every single guy i have ever been involved with has used me/lied to me/screwed me over. i'm waiting to fall in love with the boy who proves this life lesson wrong...
7. it is never okay to screw over your friends, but sometimes you have to. and it's heartbreaking when they hate you for it.
8. humanity as a whole is the most superficial, judgemental group i have ever encountered.
9. i've made some amazing friends by breaking rank and NOT being a superficial, judgemental bitch.
10. people who try to define love are the people who have never fallen facefirst into it.
11. saying NO isn't as hard as everyone makes it seem.
12. you have to make mistakes in order to learn from them... don't be scared to live a little.
13. karma is a bitch.
14. until you let yourself see how beautiful the world can be, you're essentially lending a hand to those who are ruining it.
15. i am beautiful. i've spent fifteen years of my life putting myself down, and i'm sick of it because it isn't true. i've stopped hating myself, and i am so much happier...
16. jealousy ruins everything.
17. sometimes the people with the best intentions are the ones who cause the most damage.
18. don't be afraid of death.